Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
my shit smells like andre
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
