ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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