Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We're too hungover to prance.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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