um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
