That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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