We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
