At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
