He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
