Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
