you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
