I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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