@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
