If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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