Im at strip club and am horny
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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