He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
