Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
