She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There's always time for handjobs
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
