This is not my ceiling
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
