After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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