I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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