Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
