I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
