Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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