I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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