I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
