Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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