I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
