This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i think my cat just said my name.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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