is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
