she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
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I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
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You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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