Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
