wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
