I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
