u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
