her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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