Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
