I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
