i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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