the condom got lost in my hair
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So many bounce houses so little time
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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