All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
