Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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