I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
