I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
