Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
