drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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