So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
