I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
