Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize