Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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