She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
