I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My liver is preforming stress tests.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
