Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
