I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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