We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
