yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
