Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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