i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
